Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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