Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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