My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
