Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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