i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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