I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
