forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
