fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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