Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
