I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
