Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
