2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
