this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
