Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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