Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
