I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
