I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
why is half of my head shaved?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
