just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Two words: blizzard sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
