You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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