we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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