last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize