Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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