he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk is a universal language darling
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
