What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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