My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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