She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
