Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
