It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
