party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
