The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just had sex on a roof
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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