my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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