Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
