I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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