I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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