Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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