to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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