Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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