So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
