He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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