my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
