two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
