somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
