dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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