My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
