Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
