she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
