I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
