My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
