We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
