Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
