i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
