if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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