just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
