I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
