I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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