Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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