In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize