Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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