I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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